How to thrive in back-to-school season

As a kid, Back-To-School can be super exciting. But as a parent, it has a whole different meaning. As a kid growing up on the East Coast, Back-To-School was one of my favorite times of the year. It was still super warm and lush and green. My mom would take us to the local boutiques in Englewood, New Jersey or the mall at Garden State Plaza for new pants and new tops (no dresses for me). My favorite part was getting the new school supplies - the sharpened pencils, the new notebooks. 

Back then, I was completely unaware of everything my mom was doing to prepare us for back-to-school. I had no clue about the mental load that was on her plate. Now that I am a parent with a kid starting school again at the end of the August, I look back in awe of my mother. She made it look so easy.

For parents, Back-To-School is an event. There is paperwork. There is a start time. There are deliverables. Yes, there’s shopping but that’s actually the fun part. For many preschool kids, there will be tantrums and meltdowns. And sometimes it’s not just the ones at dropoff but it’s also the ones before dinner time, at dinner time, before the bath, and after the bath. If you have a deeply sensitive child like mine, you know that your kid likes to save their meltdowns for you, their home base. There is significantly more emotional regulation that needs to happen on both the parent and children side. The days might feel longer and the resistance at bedtime might be stronger. 

I find that there’s a ton of content focusing on how to start the transition back-to-school for your children so it is a smoother experience. But what about the parents? How do we ensure that we are taking the necessary steps to ensure we are being set up for success? How do we drive self-care when the to-do list is as long as a CVS receipt?

Trust me. I get it. As parents, we center the children and their experience. They are the priority. But if you’re going to take away one thing from this blog today, it’s this - your children won’t thrive unless you are thriving first. Let me repeat that again. Your children won’t thrive unless you are thriving first. 

Story time. I grew up with a mom that centered her world around my sister and I. My mother was (and still is) the icon for generosity and sacrifice. She cooked almost every dinner (an elaborate Taiwanese dinner almost every night). She was running a New York financial hedge fund with my dad in Midtown. She also flipped apartments on the side (oh, no big deal). She rarely had any alone time. She never did girls’ trips. She never exercised. Her self-care was her night cream, a mani/pedi, and Korean soap operas before bed. 

As her daughter, I saw how much she gave. I admired my mother so much. I thought her way was the best way. As I came into adulthood, I too became the ultimate giver and sacrificer. I didn’t know how to have boundaries. I was hyper-independent and never asked for help. It took me a ton of self-work, therapy, and time to get me to a place where I am at now - a strong and resilient person who also knows how to draw boundaries AND ask for help because I can identify both my needs and my limits. 

I share all this because I know 100% that my mother meant well. She would give and give and give. That is how she showed love (which is a very classic Taiwanese mother-figure trait). As I shifted from adulthood to motherhood, I wanted to continue the generous spirit with balance. I wanted to show my son that it’s important to know your limits and your needs. It’s important to express yourself and it’s even more important to know when you’ve had enough and something needs to stop or pause. I wanted to teach him the “yes, and” approach. Yes, I can prioritize you, AND I can make time for myself. As he gets older, his version might translate into something like this: “Yes, I’m excited to go on the ferris wheel, AND I’m also nervous and scared about heights.”

So as we transition into the school year, I want to encourage you to think about how you can mother your inner child in the next few weeks. Book the mani/pedi or massage. Ask for help. Schedule the date night. Make that reservation. Order takeout. Buy that donut. Call your bestie to vent. Watch your favorite Christmas movie when it’s 80 degrees out. Extend your toddler’s quiet time for 15 more minutes so you can take a bath. Scream into a pillow. Try that hot pilates class. Declutter and organize the pile of Tupperware in your cabinet. Do that trial run with your neighbor’s babysitter. Open that sheet mask from Sephora. (I share a self-care framework in my free download, 15 Tips to Reduce The Mental Load that talks about the different tiers of self-care practices you can leverage depending on the time and capacity you have available.)

I don’t want you to abandon the necessary things you need to do for back-to-school. Yes, I want you to continue making the magic that you do as a parent, AND I also want you to schedule something for yourself. For every 10 things you do for somebody else, schedule one thing for yourself. 

Taking time for yourself is a radical form of parenting. It is not a dotted line connection. It has a direct impact on your children. It’s just like when you get on the airplane. As a parent, it is your responsibility to put the mask on yourself first before your child. This is the same exact idea. Flexing the self-care muscle takes effort. It’s not intuitive if you’re a parent like me. It is a muscle that needs practice and training and repetition.

Yesterday, I launched a new package for this very transition. It’s called The Back-To-School Toolkit. It includes a FREE 60-minute consultation with me, plus 4 hours of customized in-person service that meet your needs specifically. On top of that, you will get $100 worth of organizational items of YOUR choice on ME for only $395. As we transition back-to-school or even as we settle back from family trips, I always find my house to be in a bit more of disarray than usual. Last week, I just about had enough and spent time decluttering and reorganizing my kitchen and living room toys. Give yourself the permission to get the support you need. You’re the only one who can do that for you.